I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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