I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
