i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
