I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize