Porn is love you can see.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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