Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
