Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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