You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
