i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
