I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize