If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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