I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
