I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize