Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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