Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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