I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize