So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
