id be glad to
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
