Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
