I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
