I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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