We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize