he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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