She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
