11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
