I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
