your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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