YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Enjoy the penises
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
