I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
