ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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