OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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