This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
