I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
