I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
