bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize