i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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