I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
