i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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