Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
