my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Of course I have a pirate flag
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
