I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i think my cat just said my name.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
