In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
