so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
