I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
