Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
