it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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