i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
