I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
