halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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