or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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