I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
