it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
