Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
