You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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