just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
