Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
