in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
