you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
