I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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