She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
