Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
