Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.

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(254): View more from Texas

you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room

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(551): View more from New Jersey

And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...

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(803): View more from South Carolina

you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.

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(805): View more from California

Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...

(615): View more from Tennessee

Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again

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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.

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(804): View more from Virginia

If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle

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