I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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