My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
