Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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