I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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