You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
