i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
