She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
