Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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