Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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