it hurts more in the daytime
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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