I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
